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Dear Serena

Dear Serena,   appreciate receiving a card      when she turns up to meet
I love my partner veryas a sign of his affection.a Mel Gibson lookalike
much, but he has aAnd just in case, spend thewith his own company
terrible tendency tohousekeeping money on aand finds a 20-stone bald
meanness which he thinksback-up card to sendbloke who lives in a bedsit
he has disguised with a setyourself; that way he will atand works in a sandwich
of political stances aboutleast have paid for half ofbar? Oh, and I told her
commercial exploitationit.my name was Gideon.
and renewable resources.Barry, Ealing
The endless recycling ofDear Serena,
string and the bits ofLast year, I met a girl onI wouldn’t worry too much.
wood clogging up thethe Internet who isDo you really think that the
garden shed I can handle,everything a man couldwoman you describe is
but how can I persuadedream of: slim, blonde,spending her nights sitting
him to drop the pose andsmall features, is popular,in by herself playing lonely
give me a Valentine’s cardworks in the musichearts on a computer? At
this year?industry, lives in aleast you will have your
Stella, Brightonwarehouse flat in thelively imaginations in
centre of town, is a cordoncommon. But I would
Tell him that refusing tobleu cook, and single.suggest that you both wear
participate in loadedWe’ve had a cyber-unmistakable identifying
emotional occasions,relationship for somemarks in your buttonholes
however commercialised,months now, and the timeso you have some chance of
can be interpreted as a signhas come to actually meet.recognising each other.
of spiritual meanness andThe problem is this: How
that you would reallydo you think she will react
‘The Independent’,
February 13, 1999