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“I was bulimic but nobody knew”
“I was bulimic but nobody knew”Jonathan Llewelyn, now 22, battled |
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| “I always thought I was a bit overweight, but I | I was making myself sick up to three times a day. The | |
| suppose my obsession with food began when I started | weight started to drop off and my health began to suffer. | |
| going out with Katy. I was nearly 18 at the time and the | I felt exhausted. Still no one guessed what was | |
| relationship only lasted a month, but it gave me a | happening - I guess bulimia was the last thing my | |
| massive ego boost. Katy was gorgeous, and the fact that | mates would have suspected. | |
| she fancied me made me want to make the most of what | By the time summer arrived my body couldn’t take it | |
| I’d got. I knew that meant watching my weight. | any more. At work one day I just passed out cold. | |
| First, I asked Mum to buy stuff like low-fat spread | I came round in hospital. | |
| instead of butter and skimmed milk instead of full fat. | “Are you eating properly?” a doctor asked, poking at | |
| Then I started avoiding ‘bad’ foods like chips and | my stomach. “You appear to be quite malnourished.” | |
| chocolate altogether. I soon started to get [id:27748] it. I was | Suddenly I decided to [id:27753]. | |
| checking the fat and calorie content in everything I ate. | “I’ve… I’ve been making myself sick,” I stuttered, | |
| That Christmas, I got a holiday job working in a fast | tears pouring down my face. “But please don’t tell | |
| food restaurant. This girl called Sarah worked there too; | anyone.” | |
| she had an amazing personality and incredible figure, so | I felt so ashamed. | |
| I was quite happy when she agreed to go out with me. | “OK,” he promised. “But you have to understand | |
| The thing was, going out with someone so perfect | that if you carry on, you won’t just pass out, you’ll die. | |
| made me want to be perfect too, which made me even | Your body’s got nothing to work on, Jonathan.” | |
| more determined to [id:27749]. Soon, calorie counting | I was [id:27754]. I knew I’d lost weight but I hadn’t | |
| wasn’t enough… | thought bulimia could be so dangerous. | |
| The following February, I was back working in the | “You need to talk to someone about this,” said the | |
| restaurant with Sarah again. That’s when it happened. | doctor as he left. “Someone close.” | |
| I was at work, surrounded by the kind of food I’d been | I knew he was right and after a few moments alone I | |
| avoiding for ages, and I just gave in. I didn’t eat loads | decided Sarah was the best person to open up to. She | |
| - I think I just had a burger and chips - but afterwards, | suggested: “Look, my aunt’s a counsellor, why don’t | |
| I felt awful, so bloated… I guess my stomach just | you talk to her about it?” | |
| wasn’t used to [id:27750] meals. | I went the next day and it was really a good move. | |
| Then it came to me; if I could get rid of the food, then | She was so understanding and talking about it really | |
| I’d feel fine. I’d heard about bulimia, but I didn’t really | helped. | |
| apply it to what I was doing. Making myself sick just | Since then, I’ve made tons of progress; in fact, | |
| seemed like the perfect solution, [id:27751] I would sneak | I don’t make myself sick at all any more. | |
| off to the toilet and put my fingers down my throat. | I know I’ve still got problems but my self-confidence | |
| After that, I started making myself sick at home, too. | is [id:27755] and I’m learning to love myself for who I am. | |
| I’d get in from work, eat whatever Mum had made me, | I think a lot more boys worry about their weight than | |
| then walk to the fields behind our house and throw it | girls realise. You may not know a boy who’s got an | |
| back up, [id:27752] afterwards, so mum wouldn’t smell the | eating disorder but they are really out there - I should | |
| sick on my breath. It was easy. | know.” | |
| ‘Sugar’ |