“I always thought I was a bit overweight, but I | | I was making myself sick up to three times a day. The |
suppose my obsession with food began when I started | | weight started to drop off and my health began to suffer. |
going out with Katy. I was nearly 18 at the time and the | | I felt exhausted. Still no one guessed what was |
relationship only lasted a month, but it gave me a | | happening - I guess bulimia was the last thing my |
massive ego boost. Katy was gorgeous, and the fact that | | mates would have suspected. |
she fancied me made me want to make the most of what | | By the time summer arrived my body couldn’t take it |
I’d got. I knew that meant watching my weight. | | any more. At work one day I just passed out cold. |
First, I asked Mum to buy stuff like low-fat spread | | I came round in hospital. |
instead of butter and skimmed milk instead of full fat. | | “Are you eating properly?” a doctor asked, poking at |
Then I started avoiding ‘bad’ foods like chips and | | my stomach. “You appear to be quite malnourished.” |
chocolate altogether. I soon started to get [id:27748] it. I was | | Suddenly I decided to [id:27753]. |
checking the fat and calorie content in everything I ate. | | “I’ve… I’ve been making myself sick,” I stuttered, |
That Christmas, I got a holiday job working in a fast | | tears pouring down my face. “But please don’t tell |
food restaurant. This girl called Sarah worked there too; | | anyone.” |
she had an amazing personality and incredible figure, so | | I felt so ashamed. |
I was quite happy when she agreed to go out with me. | | “OK,” he promised. “But you have to understand |
The thing was, going out with someone so perfect | | that if you carry on, you won’t just pass out, you’ll die. |
made me want to be perfect too, which made me even | | Your body’s got nothing to work on, Jonathan.” |
more determined to [id:27749]. Soon, calorie counting | | I was [id:27754]. I knew I’d lost weight but I hadn’t |
wasn’t enough… | | thought bulimia could be so dangerous. |
The following February, I was back working in the | | “You need to talk to someone about this,” said the |
restaurant with Sarah again. That’s when it happened. | | doctor as he left. “Someone close.” |
I was at work, surrounded by the kind of food I’d been | | I knew he was right and after a few moments alone I |
avoiding for ages, and I just gave in. I didn’t eat loads | | decided Sarah was the best person to open up to. She |
- I think I just had a burger and chips - but afterwards, | | suggested: “Look, my aunt’s a counsellor, why don’t |
I felt awful, so bloated… I guess my stomach just | | you talk to her about it?” |
wasn’t used to [id:27750] meals. | | I went the next day and it was really a good move. |
Then it came to me; if I could get rid of the food, then | | She was so understanding and talking about it really |
I’d feel fine. I’d heard about bulimia, but I didn’t really | | helped. |
apply it to what I was doing. Making myself sick just | | Since then, I’ve made tons of progress; in fact, |
seemed like the perfect solution, [id:27751] I would sneak | | I don’t make myself sick at all any more. |
off to the toilet and put my fingers down my throat. | | I know I’ve still got problems but my self-confidence |
After that, I started making myself sick at home, too. | | is [id:27755] and I’m learning to love myself for who I am. |
I’d get in from work, eat whatever Mum had made me, | | I think a lot more boys worry about their weight than |
then walk to the fields behind our house and throw it | | girls realise. You may not know a boy who’s got an |
back up, [id:27752] afterwards, so mum wouldn’t smell the | | eating disorder but they are really out there - I should |
sick on my breath. It was easy. | | know.” |
| | |
| | ‘Sugar’ |