Examentrainers

I’m happy with an arranged marriage!

By Gitangeli Sapra

		Number seven was preceded by his breath.
		Number three did not open his mouth, his mother
		had to do the talking. I never actually saw
		prospective husband number eight: his mother preferred
5		that I keep my gaze averted, Bollywood style.
		Such is the dance of modern-day arranged marriage,
		at least as I, a 24-year-old Hindu born in Britain, have
		got to know it. Although so far it has been a series of
		meetings with unsuitable suitors, I am not [id:42927].
10		As Dame Elizabeth Butler-Sloss, president of the family division, said last
		week: “I support the concept of an arranged marriage. It seems it has many
		advantages.”
		Even if western middle-class men are growing more faithful, as some experts
		suggest, 40% of ‘marriages made for love’ still end in divorce. By contrast, the
15		rate of break-ups of arranged marriages in the Asian community is far lower.
		This may be because arranged unions are based on mutual interests and
		similar levels of education rather than physical attraction. The involvement of
		both families is also a deterrent to affairs, ho would want to risk the wrath of
		their mother, mother-in-law, brother and grandfather, as well as their wife, for a
20		few hours of fun?
		Nor is the system as draconian as many might imagine. Arranged marriages
		are simply introductions, the element of choice remains.
		True, initial meetings between would-be brides and grooms take place in
		front of their families, but subsequent ‘dates’ are usually unchaperoned. And you
25		are not expected to make any decisions until at least the sixth meeting.
		A wild rush? I know of couples who agreed to marry after only the second
		meeting. Several children later, the initial attraction has developed into an
		abiding love and respect. One friend even said yes on the first meeting, despite
		her intended turning up with his mother, aunt, uncle, three brothers and the dog.
30		Eight years and two children later, she [id:42942].
		Nor is it just young Asians who see the benefits of arranged unions. Steven
		Brown, chief executive of the Jewish Marriage Council, which runs its own
		matchmaking service, said: “The latest thing is shidduch dating, where a
		matchmaker selects and introduces couples who go out unchaperoned to a
35		Jewish restaurant four or five times to see if they have anything in common.
		Among the orthodox, arranged marriages are very much the done thing. The
		degree of people remaining married after meeting like this is higher than in other
		cases.”
		Even western women, post-Bridget Jones and single, are keen on exploring
40		the idea.
		Claire Oswald, 38, a writer who is white, western and single, recently lamented
		in the Asian women’s magazine Memsahib that no system of arranged marriage
		was available to her. “I would love to have an arranged marriage,” she wrote.
		“It’s great that there is so much family involvement and that the people who care
45		about you help you to find a suitable husband.”
		I am soon to meet number 12:a doctor, as my mother keeps telling
		everyone. There is no pressure. But as I hurtle towards 25, middle-aged for
		an arranged marriage, I hope this one works out.