Number seven was preceded by his breath. | |||
Number three did not open his mouth, his mother | |||
had to do the talking. I never actually saw | |||
prospective husband number eight: his mother preferred | |||
5 | that I keep my gaze averted, Bollywood style. | ||
Such is the dance of modern-day arranged marriage, | |||
at least as I, a 24-year-old Hindu born in Britain, have | |||
got to know it. Although so far it has been a series of | |||
meetings with unsuitable suitors, I am not [id:42927]. | |||
10 | As Dame Elizabeth Butler-Sloss, president of the family division, said last | ||
week: “I support the concept of an arranged marriage. It seems it has many | |||
advantages.” | |||
Even if western middle-class men are growing more faithful, as some experts | |||
suggest, 40% of ‘marriages made for love’ still end in divorce. By contrast, the | |||
15 | rate of break-ups of arranged marriages in the Asian community is far lower. | ||
This may be because arranged unions are based on mutual interests and | |||
similar levels of education rather than physical attraction. The involvement of | |||
both families is also a deterrent to affairs, ho would want to risk the wrath of | |||
their mother, mother-in-law, brother and grandfather, as well as their wife, for a | |||
20 | few hours of fun? | ||
Nor is the system as draconian as many might imagine. Arranged marriages | |||
are simply introductions, the element of choice remains. | |||
True, initial meetings between would-be brides and grooms take place in | |||
front of their families, but subsequent ‘dates’ are usually unchaperoned. And you | |||
25 | are not expected to make any decisions until at least the sixth meeting. | ||
A wild rush? I know of couples who agreed to marry after only the second | |||
meeting. Several children later, the initial attraction has developed into an | |||
abiding love and respect. One friend even said yes on the first meeting, despite | |||
her intended turning up with his mother, aunt, uncle, three brothers and the dog. | |||
30 | Eight years and two children later, she [id:42942]. | ||
Nor is it just young Asians who see the benefits of arranged unions. Steven | |||
Brown, chief executive of the Jewish Marriage Council, which runs its own | |||
matchmaking service, said: “The latest thing is shidduch dating, where a | |||
matchmaker selects and introduces couples who go out unchaperoned to a | |||
35 | Jewish restaurant four or five times to see if they have anything in common. | ||
Among the orthodox, arranged marriages are very much the done thing. The | |||
degree of people remaining married after meeting like this is higher than in other | |||
cases.” | |||
Even western women, post-Bridget Jones and single, are keen on exploring | |||
40 | the idea. | ||
Claire Oswald, 38, a writer who is white, western and single, recently lamented | |||
in the Asian women’s magazine Memsahib that no system of arranged marriage | |||
was available to her. “I would love to have an arranged marriage,” she wrote. | |||
“It’s great that there is so much family involvement and that the people who care | |||
45 | about you help you to find a suitable husband.” | ||
I am soon to meet number 12:a doctor, as my mother keeps telling | |||
everyone. There is no pressure. But as I hurtle towards 25, middle-aged for | |||
an arranged marriage, I hope this one works out. |